Sitting on the sidewalk

Ever since I started playing the guitar during a youth year, 12 years ago, my heart has always yearned for praise and worship.  Using my new found "talent" for the glory of God, I always found a way to play guitar and sing for God.  Whether it was in my bedroom, at camps, in church or at the school where I taught.  God and my guitar were always synonymous in my life.  I realised at 19 years of age, that I wanted to live my life leading people in worship.  I wanted to write songs that resounded of what God meant to me.

At a stage, that was all that I wanted to do and I wanted to do it immediately.  I wanted to give up everything to pursue my dream.  Wasn't prepared to let anything get in my way.  Fortunately, my wonderful parents' will prevailed.  They wanted me to study.  Get a degree. Get security.  I was reluctant, but obeyed.  Thank God I did.  Even though I hated most of the studies, I endured, even though I wanted to leave it all "for the glory of God".

It wouldn't have been for God's glory, but my own.  I thought I was only studying to be a teacher... little did I know that I was studying "character" at the university of life.  I obtained my degree and taught for 4 wonderful years, still involved in church, camps and the children at the school.  I never let go of the fire in my being, but used it where I was at that time.

The season ended and I knew that God wanted me to move on.  I was ready.  I quit my secure job, left my home, my great friends, everything I knew and after weeks of crying and uncertainty, I ended up in Pretoria.

That was the background to the main part of the story.

Here comes the main part:

So, here I am to make music.  I had no idea where to begin.  So I started teaching guitar.  I played guitar in a successful theatre production, and toured the country with a famous artist for a couple of months.  That all happened in 3 years.  I didn't have much.  I struggled.  Many months I would not have food to eat.  I tried to give up so many times, but never gathered the courage to do so.  God always provided.  He was faithful.
I felt like a complete failure most of the time but there were glimpses of hope in every dire moment and that's why I never gave up.  I guess it's because I always believed.  Our job is to have faith... God's job is to be faithful.

So... I recorded a demo in year 3. Took 4 of my songs and recorded.  The biggest portion of my income went into that.  After all the hard work, I sent it to a couple of radio stations and record companies.  After 3 months, I only received rejections.  Nobody wanted it.

So, one evening at around 18:00 I was hungry.  I drove to the nearest pizzaria and ordered... something with chicken, I think.  I still remember that day so clearly. I ordered and went outside.

I found myself sitting on the sidewalk. I was crying.  I was at the end of my rope. No hope.  No purpose.  I couldn't see a future anymore. I decided that I would go back to Bloemfontein and try to get a job again as a teacher.  I told God that I failed.

The phone rang. It was the owner of the record company.  He said that they liked the music and would like to record me.  I was still crying after that call, but only because of God's timing.  He never gave up, even though I wanted to.  He knew the plans He had for me.

Each one of us, at a time in our lives, will be at a place where we will sit on the sidewalk without knowing where to go.  Without a glimmer of hope. Sitting somewhere in your life where a cry of desperation is all you have left. Just know that there is a call that is waiting for you.  That call will come.  God's call on your life will remain and He will wait until You are ready to answer.

So, when that time comes. When you have answered the call.  Stand up and shout it out on the street corners.  Let your life shout for the glory of God.