Ever since the day I was saved, Delirious? was basically the only band I listened to. I remember singing "I could sing of Your love forever" way back in 1999. That was around the time when Hillsong's "Shout to the Lord" was very big in South Africa and probably the world. I was part of a youth outreach group at that time called "Service Year for Christ." We travelled the country and led worship at schools, camps and festivals. "Shout to the North" was also one of the big Delirious? songs back then. An anthem, proclaiming that "Jesus is Lord of all" was sung hundreds of times.
That got me hooked on the Cutting Edge. The first one I bought was Cutting Edge 3&4. Track 13 immediately took me to another place of worship.
This was Obsession.
"What can I do with my obsession?
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being?
Is it wind that blows the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss
And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns
And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn God and I'm longing
to be close
You burn me deeper than I know
I feel lonely without hope
I feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird
And my heart burns for You"
With all the struggles I went through at that time I kept clinging onto this song. It always brought me back to, "and my heart burns for You." No matter how messed up I was and still am, my heart's desire is for Jesus. This fire has always been in my heart and no matter how I quench the flame it refuses to go out.
"Jesus' blood never fails me" and that is true to this day and it will continue to be true, forever. I held on to this song through the toughest of times. Always knowing and believing that the blood of Jesus will never fail me. Even when I felt like failing, I knew Jesus conquered by His blood and through that I could overcome.
These are just 2 examples of songs that changed my life. I admired their songwriting, the arrangements of the music, every part played by every musician. They inspired my own writing; formed the way I think about lyrics and music. They took me to an honest open place of writing my own love songs to God. They inspired me to do music. Their songs changed my life. A huge part of my walk with God included the intimate music of Martin Smith and Stu G. I don't know if this even gives you a remote idea of how big the impact is that these 5 guys had on this 1 life.
My dream had always been to open a show for Delirious? That was my big and crazy dream. Completely out of reach of this small town boy who cannot really sing or play guitar. How crazy was I to dream this?
Crazy enough that it almost happened. At 22 years old, I was leading worship at a Friday night youth gathering and a youth pastor from the church Delirious? would play at, on their South African tour, liked the worship so much that he was going to find out if our youth band could open for Delirious? at their venue. I was so excited. Just the thought of doing that already made me feel as if I had lived my dream. It was not to be because they already booked another band. It is good knowing that I came close though.
A couple of months after I decided to step out on the water and pursue music with everything I had, it was anounced that Delirious? was breaking up. The end of the most influencial christian band of our time. Even Joel Houston of Hillsong said that Delirious? influenced them immensely.
I sat there in front of the computer and my eyes welled up with tears that came straight from a broken heart. I was devastated. I couldn't stop crying for hours. It was like someone who I loved had died. It took all the composure I had to write Martin Smith an email, and even then my tears fell from my cheek onto the keyboard. I thanked Martin for the music they made and told him how it impacted my life and my relationship with God. I told him about the silly dream I had about opening a show for them. I don't remember anything else I said but I know it was a long email. I didn't think he would ever read it.
Three months later he replied and said the following, "Never give up on your dream." So I didn't.
Forward years later until the present day. I recorded an album that Stu G, Delirious' guitarist, played on - telling me how he likes the songs I wrote. Jaci Velasquez sang "We'll Tell the World" with me and will be performing in the music video for it as well. She told me she believes in me, after I've been a fan of hers since 1998 when "God so loved the world" was released.
I am nothing else but grateful. I do not understand this at all. I am a small town boy from the Free State in South Africa and have never been exceptional at anything. All I have is a passion for making music for God. I also had a dream. I also never gave up. I have not arrived anywhere but I am living a dream and I am grateful for God blessing me abundantly, for Jesus' blood never failing me, for being my obsession in times when He felt further than the moon and for the times He was closer than my skin.
So... What is my point in all this?
I think I'll let Mr. Martin Smith have the final word:
"Never give up on your dream!"
(I still dream of doing a song with Martin)
